Posts Tagged ‘egg donation california’

Meeting the Donor

Monday, May 17th, 2010

Part 3 in Brenda Fahn-Hardt’s informal discussion for Intended Parents.

Meeting the Donor?  There is No Right Choice.

iStock 000006638550XSmall3 300x199 Meeting the Donor

At some point during the egg donor process most parents consider whether or not they should meet their egg donor.  There is no right or wrong answer to this question.  Each case is different and depends on the intentions and expectations of the intended parents.  If their expectations seem reasonable and realistic, then meeting the egg donor can turn into a very positive experience.  Most of the time intended parents want to be able to meet their donor so that they have the option of telling their child at a later date.  Statistically, only about 20% of intended parents choose to meet their donor.  If you intend to tell your child that they were conceived with an egg donor and you want to tell your child something about the donor, then meeting would likely be a positive experience.  Many times parents to not have an interest in, or feel comfortable, meeting their donor, which of course should always be respected.  Each situation is different.

- Brenda Fahn-Hardt M.S., MFT

Beverly Hills Egg Donation Staff Psychotherapist

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An Informal Discussion on Psychological Issues for Intended Parents

Tuesday, May 11th, 2010

Brenda2 300x199 An Informal Discussion on Psychological Issues for Intended ParentsThe following is the first in a series of postings from Beverly Hills Egg Donation staff psychotherapist, Brenda Fahn-Hardt M.S., MFT.  Brenda comes to us with years of experience working exclusively  with donors and couples dealing with infertility issues.  In this, and in posts to come, she will address some of the most common psychological and emotional issues that come up in her work with Intended Parents.


Intended parents usually come to infertility services after spending years on an emotional roller-coaster.  There are several emotional and psychological issues that intended parents typically encounter during this process.  The ones that I encounter most in my practice are 1) Dealing with the grief of not being able to conceive your own biological child 2) The anxiety associated with choosing a donor 3) Deciding whether to meet the donor during the process 4) Fears of not being bonded or connected to your child and 4) Deciding if, when and how to reveal to your child that an egg donor was used in their conception.

Grieving

The journey to the infertility option can be arduous for most couples.  The realization that you are unable to conceive without the assistance of a third party can be internalized in numerous ways – the most common emotions are feelings of failure, inadequacy, humility and anger.  When couples arrive at an infertility office, frequently they have not dealt with the trauma and pain that usually exists.  I always encourage couples to experience their unresolved grief before getting too far down the road in the process.  However, in many instances, because couples have been waiting years to conceive a child, they often feel compelled to jump into the next stage without processing their feelings.  It is common for couples to get caught up in the frenzy of doctor’s offices, tests, shots and drugs while neglecting to take a step back and let oneself absorb and process the grief.

couple4 300x199 An Informal Discussion on Psychological Issues for Intended ParentsElizabeth Kubler-Ross wrote the classic treatise on dealing with grief.  In her seminal work, she identifies the five stages of grief – denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance.  In a perfect world, an individual would experience these stages sequentially.  Yet, each of us approaches life’s complications in our own way.  The process becomes inherently more complicated when dealing with two individuals simultaneously, given the complicated dynamics of relationships in general.  It takes an enormous amount of patience and understanding to respect and understand your partner’s process.  Therefor I encourage couples to attend support groups and couple’s therapy to assist them through the grieving process.

The goal in the last stage of the grief process is acceptance.  Acceptance can take on different outcomes for different couples (or single parents).  The one constant is the reality that one is unable to conceive his/her own biological child.  When one comes to this acceptance, there are different paths from which to choose – using an egg donor and/or surrogate, adopting a child or choosing not to have a child.  Whichever path is chosen, you want to be confident about your decision and optimistic about your future.

- Brenda Fahn-Hardt M.S., MFT


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Why a Backup Donor is a Good Idea

Thursday, February 25th, 2010

You’ve been searching for weeks for your ideal egg donor candidate, taking into consideration physical characteristics, fertility history, family health and educational achievements.  You’ve ranked your favorites, narrowed them down, slept on it and now that you’ve found your perfect match and are ready to book her, you can breathe a big sigh of relief and know that your search is finally behind you.

Right?

iStock 000002307811Small1 200x300 Why a Backup Donor is a Good IdeaNot quite.  Despite the best of intentions, something will go wrong in 25%-30% of all egg donor cycles and most, if not all of these issues cannot be predicted in advance.  Beverly Hills Egg Donation has an extensive in-house screening process and a team of donor reps who work diligently to ensure that our selection of donors is the strongest that it can be, but there is always the potential for surprises once a cycle gets underway.  As is the nature of working with a young woman in her early to mid- twenties, your donor will be having medical testing for a number of things that, if not for this donation, she likely would never have been tested for at her age.  There are also occasionally unforeseen issues that come up in the psychological testing, genetic counseling, or during the legal process.  In fact, this is why we utilize these professionals in the first place – to protect you and ensure that you have the best chance possible at a successful outcome once the medication phase of the cycle begins.  While our personal screening process is an initial review, we employ others to help uncover any health/genetic problems that may otherwise have gone undetected and confirm that your donor is psychologically prepared to donate.

This is why, no matter how perfect your donor may seem, we always recommend that you select a backup option before going forward with your cycle.  We have many repeat donors available (which lessens the possibility that something unexpected will come up to deter or derail your cycle), but even then if something goes wrong and you have a backup choice, our cycle coordinator will be able to help you move seamlessly onto that donor without using any momentum.  There is also no additional agency fee to switch donors; your full fee will be applied to the subsequent cycle.

Ideally, your cycle will be completed smoothly and without a hitch.  However, one of the best things that you can do to make your experience with egg donation as successful as possible is to remain flexible and be prepared for the unexpected – which includes having a backup donor in mind before you book your perfect match.

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Growing

Monday, February 15th, 2010

iStock 000004609436XSmall 300x199 Growing

Check out our freshly updated “Who We Are” page to meet the newest staff members to join the BHED team.  Liz Bader-Natal, Bay Area Coordinator,  provides support to Donors and Intended Parents throughout the duration of the cycle.  Sally Blackford manages our online server and has lent a tremendous hand in keeping day-to-day administrative work running smoothly.  And Diana Ashley, a previous donor herself, works in Donor Outreach to keep each of our donor’s profiles accurate and up-to-date.

With the increases that we’ve seen in every area – from donor applicants to interview, to cycles to manage and medical records to request (and fax, and file, and update…), these ladies have jumped in with both feet and done a stellar job helping our program grow with grace.

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The Not-So Drawn Out Blood Draw

Wednesday, January 20th, 2010

The post below comes to us from Diana, a two-time previous donor who is also a staff member at Beverly Hills Egg Donation.  To read her first entry, dealing with overcoming her anxiety about self-injections, click here.

iStock 000002253915Small 225x300 The Not So Drawn Out Blood DrawNow, let’s get on to the business of having blood drawn during your cycle.  Sure, I recently discovered it’s a piece of cake to have a needle in my skin for a second during an injection, but what about a needle being nestled into my vein for more than a minute as my precious life force is drained from my body into a cold heartless vial?  This would be tricky.  For those of you who hate having blood drawn, you are not alone.  I was the girl who broke into a cold sweat, literally soaking my shirt the minute I sat in the strange school-desk chair, oddly appropriate as I would often be having an internal fit reminiscent of a 2nd grader, and was handed that ball to squeeze.  I hadn’t had blood taken in so long (and hardly remember the last go around after having fainted).  They call my name.  I walk over to what is referred to as the (ahem, cough, swallow) “Blood Station” with my iPod earphones in.

My deer in the headlights look is greeted by the kindest pair of eyes I’ve ever seen.  These eyes belong to Raul, the Phlebotomist.  He seems to notice my unease, perhaps my clenched fists and general lack of breathing or blinking, and says “I take it you’re not a fan of having your blood drawn?”  To which I say “Not a fan at all, maybe even a heckler” as a strange trail of nervous giggles leaks out of my clenched jaw.  I try to make jokes when I’m nervous, also to downplay how incredibly frightened I am, they’re also usually really horrible jokes as demonstrated.  But for some reason, Raul’s warm presence had me feel it was okay to just come clean, “I’m actually terrified of having my blood drawn.  In fact, it’s the only thing I’m afraid of.  Some people fear car accidents, life failure, earthquakes.  I fear sitting in that chair.  I usually pass out or vomit either before, during or after having my blood drawn.  In fact, I’ve avoided doing it for several years because I’m always so embarrassed by my fainting or throwing up.”  Wow, thanks for the biopic, Barbara Walters.  Raul is not at all put off by this, in fact, he appears to find this honesty refreshingly charming (this is what I tell myself after feeling like I just shared some sort of Judy Blume confessional diary entry).  He’s not looking at me like the high-maintenance mess that’s about to make his job a huge pain.  He puts his hand on my shoulder and says, “I’m really good, you won’t feel a thing.  Let’s have you lie down.”  I lay down and already feel 100 times better than I usually did in the chair.  I say, “Raul, I’m going to turn my music up really loud while you do this.”  He smiles and says, “No problem, do what you have to do.”  I turn on my music and the next thing I know Raul is telling me it’s over.  I couldn’t believe it.  I sat up and almost cried.  ”You’re the best Raul!  The best!  You’re the fastest blood-taker in the west!  You’re a blood-taking ninja!”  Raul was laughing, I was laughing.  It was a regular feel good Who’s the Boss episode where Raul lovingly pats me on the head and calls me “Saman-ta”.

Stock PhotoSo what made this go-around so different than previous blood draws?  Quite simply, being open and honest with the Phlebotomist about my fear.  For so long I had tried to”hide” it, as I was painfully embarrassed that a woman my age couldn’t handle what, in the grand scheme of things, is such a simple thing to do.  Come to think of it, after voicing my fear, I immediately had a sense of relief.  That seems to be true for most things in life, I suppose.  We often make ourselves so uncomfortable trying to cover up what we’re afraid of, or ignoring it all together, that it grows into a larger, scarier beast (perhaps simply to get our attention).  If I were to distill my fear, it really came down to the embarrassment of fainting or throwing up.  By sharing my fear with Raul, he was empowered to help me and make some adjustments so that didn’t happen.  So, if you have any fear or anxiety about having your blood drawn, be sure to share that information with the nurse or Phlebotomist, they’re actually extremely accommodating.  After, you might notice that the only drawn out thing about a blood draw is you driving yourself crazy thinking about it.  Similar to the rules that apply to those who have a difficult mother-in-law – acknowledge the fear, but you don’t have to invite it out to lunch and entertain it.

-Diana, BHED donor #4829

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Face-to-Face Interviews, 3,000 Miles Away

Thursday, January 14th, 2010

BusinesswomanFor our applicants who live outside of the Los Angeles area, we conduct our interviews via webcam, which gives us the exceptional ability to say that we’ve actually met each one of the egg donors on our database!  I’ve worked with other agencies in the past and I can’t say that the same is true for those organizations.  This gives us the confirmation that the person on the other end really is who they say they are, and gives us a much better feel for the donor’s personality and character.  I really enjoy being able to communicate with a donor in this way.  Some donors who have children of their own will even bring their child(ren) to the camera for a few minutes.  I also love seeing a donor who takes copious notes during our interview – when I can see her writing, it’s confirmation to me that she wants to make sure she knows what is required of her.

More and more of our applicants now have their own cameras that they are able to use for the interview, and for donors who don’t we will send one out via UPS.  From a logistics standpoint, this system actually runs surprisingly smoothly.  The only challenge I’ve experienced when working with webcams is that some donors who have never used a webcam before might have some trouble setting it up, but that is usually sorted out quickly and we can start the interview.  When the interview is over the donor just sends the camera back to us to be used by another candidate.  The process of sending the camera back is very simple as well – we provide them with a return label so there is no expense to the donor.  It makes it easy for everyone!

-Susan Rai, Beverly Hills Egg Donation 

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How to Needle Your Way Out of Injection Anxiety

Thursday, October 22nd, 2009

I’d like to dedicate this entry to my needle fearing friends.  You know who you are.  The gal that hears the word “needle” one moment and finds herself hanging upside down from the ceiling fan the next.  The thought of having blood taken for some is a minor inconvenience, but, for you, it’s a nightmare equal to that of having a spider crawl in your ear and hang a finely crocheted web on your cochlea.  The smell of rubbing alcohol at a doctor’s office triggers a sort of Pavlov’s Dog response to pull down your shirt sleeves and put your veins on lock down.  I know who you are because, a few months ago, I was you.

istock 000003069134small4 How to Needle Your Way Out of Injection AnxietyI’ll be honest, when I decided to donate I was so excited about the idea of helping someone have a child that I had sort of “overlooked” the logistics of injections and having weekly blood draws.  This honeymoon phase vanished the moment I received my box of medication, which included about 30 needles.  I quickly ran over to my roommate and showed her in horror.  She shrugged and said, “They’re tiny”.  Yeah, okay, tough guy, they’re tiny.  But, lest us not forget, they’re still NEEDLES.  A tiny cockroach is still a cockroach.  Besides, it’s all relative.  Your tiny is my huge.  Your “it’s just a needle” is my nightmare on ice with a sprig of nausea.

Fast forward to my first injection.  The staff at my doctor’s office thoroughly explained the process of how to do a self-administered injection, so I did feel a little more at ease – empowered with knowledge as they say.  **Side note: the staff at the office I went through were simply amazing.  Take the opportunity to get to know the staff at whatever office you go through.  They are an invaluable asset to the entire process, like your medically trained cheerleaders.  Back to my first date with the needle: I got home and paced around like an anxious cat who kept hearing its name being called.  I looked at the clock, it was ten minutes until I was scheduled to do my injection.  I laid out my supplies – the alcohol pad, the needle, the vile of Lupron and (what I will reveal to you as the holy grail of injections, ladies) my slightly frozen can of diet coke.  Who would have thought a diet coke could contain such power that, if wielded correctly, could erase a lifetime of fear.  I suppose it did skyrocket Cindy Crawford’s career and make us all go cut our jeans into shorts.  So here’s the deal: throw a can of soda in the freezer for a bit and let it get nice and cold.  Five minutes before your scheduled injection, numb the area.  My nurse suggested numbing it for a minute, but for this first go-around I decided to put every last sensation in my skin to sleep…five minutes for me, thanks.  I numbed the area, went over it with an alcohol pad, let it dry, and drew up my dose in a syringe.  In that moment, I had an epiphany – if Katherine Heigl’s character on Grey’s Anatomy can do it, I can do it.  I pinched the skin on my tummy, lined up the needle, took a breath, istock 000007383548xsmall7 200x300 How to Needle Your Way Out of Injection Anxietylooked away and put it in (at a 90 degree angle).  When I looked back down, the needle was in but I was completely shocked, I couldn’t feel anything.  Nothing.  Zip.  I want to be clear here and say, I am a wus about this stuff and I honestly couldn’t even feel it.  I released the tummy pinch, pushed the dose in, removed the needle (pull straight out), wiped over the area with alcohol and did a victory phone lap, calling about ten of my closest friends to tell them that I was a fearless Goddess Warrior who may have missed her calling as a professional shot giver.  As strange as it sounds, I was actually looking forward to my next injection.

I think that my greatest piece of advice in regards to how to cope with injection anxiety would be to remember that we’re often our own worst enemies – psyching ourselves out, telling ourselves “I can’t do this”.  I’m here to tell you that if I can, you most certainly can.  Think of some of the stuff you’ve overcome in your life.  In comparison, I’m sure that needle truly is tiny.

 

-Diana, BHED donor #4829

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The Key to Becoming an AWESOME Egg Donor?…It’s All in the Organization

Friday, September 25th, 2009

You know when you get something new…you go home and hang it up/lay it out/try it on/unpack it/reorganize it, and it just makes you all happy and fulfilled?  Like, when you  go to Target and come home with $300 worth of things you don’t need (but might need one day way, way in the future) and you put them all in your cabinets and bathroom and kitchen like back stock in a stockroom, and there’s this strange overwhelming sense of pride and satisfaction that only you can appreciate?  Because, it’s not like you bought new shoes – it’s toilet paper and Ziploc sandwich bags.

The start of a cycle is like that for me, but taken to a new level…because my stockroom has things that no one else I know will ever have.  I have drugs in vials that need to be mixed.  I have syringes and needles.  I have a biohazard receptacle!  And when I get home from work and the Fed Ex box with the cooler of medication is sitting on my stoop, my blood pressure rises and my heart races…project!  I always arrange my supplies in my kitchen before a cycle, including wrapping the ugly burgundy biohazard container up in  paper (I mean, who has a burgundy color scheme?).

img 2178 300x225 The Key to Becoming an AWESOME Egg Donor?...Its All in the Organization

I think it’s safe for me to admit that I am afflicted with situational OCD, and it manifests at times like this.  I embrace it.  And, OCD or not, I think you’ll find that setting up your supplies as if they were ingredients for a chocolate chip cookie recipe makes the fact that you are about to inject a needle into your stomach just a little easier to digest.

-Kate, BHED Donor

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For the BHED Egg Donor – What Can I Do While I’m Waiting to be Matched?

Friday, April 3rd, 2009

Once you’ve reached the end of the application process and had a successful interview with a member of our donor team, our staff will add your profile to our database of donors for recipients to peruse.

Congratulations, you’re now an active donor with BHED (Beverly Hills Egg Donation)!

There can be quite a lot to do leading up to this point – gathering pictures and transcripts, doing your own research on the donation process, putting together information on your family’s medical history, and scheduling your interview – that it may seem like the flurry of activity tapers off slightly after you’ve finally been made active.  One of the questions we get a lot is, “how long will it take for me to be matched?”  To tell the truth, there’s no way of knowing.  Some egg donors are matched within a matter of days, and for others it takes longer – sometimes even weeks or months.  It’s really all a matter of the right recipient coming across your profile at the right time, and for some donors, that doesn’t happen right away.

The most important thing to do during this time is to make sure to keep your profile accurate and up-to-date.  Review your profile occasionally and contact us with any changes in contact info, updates/successes in school or work, or new information regarding your medical history.  Also, we always love to have new pictures to add to your profile so feel free to keep them coming!  We store the extras on our server in case a potential recipient requests to see them.

Another big thing to keep in mind while you’re waiting to be matched is to make sure you’re easy to get in touch with.  Sometimes a recipient has a couple of donors they’re interested in, and wants to make a decision quickly, so make sure to respond to any phone calls or emails that you get from us as promptly as possible.  You’ll also receive a phone call from our team every three months to confirm your availability.

Finally, a great thing to do after you’ve been activated is come to one of our photo shoots!  We hold these shoots every 4-6 weeks in West LA.  It’s a wonderful way to get beautiful, professional photos to enhance your profile and it’s totally free to you.  It takes just 15 minutes of your time, and you get a high-resolution jpeg of your favorite shot to keep.

Of course, you can feel free to contact us at any time with questions or to see if there’s been interest in your profile.

We look forward to seeing you matched!

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The BHED Difference

Saturday, March 14th, 2009

So many BHED (Beverly Hills Egg Donation) donors are accomplished, well-educated young women, that we thought it might be valuable to give you some highlights now and again. Our list of dedicated egg donors includes women who speak three and four languages, college graduates with 4.0 GPAs, and women working on their Master’s Degrees and even PhDs.

Among our linguists, we can count Alexa #3127 who speaks Czech, Ticiana #2995 who is a native Portuguese speaker, Thomasina #4798 who learned Italian in college and is now fluent, and Natalia #870 who speaks both Russian and Chuvash. Asha #4746 speaks four languages – English, Hindi, Tamil, and Telugu.

Our college graduates boast degrees in a wide variety of disciplines. For example, Lynn #4857 has a degree in Architecture, while Ashley #4593 graduated Summa Cum Laude with a B.A. in Theology. Jeni #3093 completed her B.S. in Economics at UCLA, Lisa #3986 has a degree in Zoology, and Lynnea #4083 is pursuing her degree in Biopsychology.

We have quite a few donors who have completed or are enrolled in Master’s programs, including Terri #4759, Jennifer #4389, Hannon #4506, and Michelle #4577.

In blogs to come, we’ll highlight state-and-nationally recognized athletes, dedicated volunteers (including several donors who have started their own non-profits), state beauty pageant winners, professional models and much more! We continue to be impressed with the outstanding and altruistic young women that are part of our donor program.

-Alexa Abrams, BHED Director of Donor Recruitment

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