Posts Tagged ‘Reproductive Endocrinologists’

An Informal Discussion on Psychological Issues for Intended Parents

Tuesday, May 11th, 2010

Brenda2 300x199 An Informal Discussion on Psychological Issues for Intended ParentsThe following is the first in a series of postings from Beverly Hills Egg Donation staff psychotherapist, Brenda Fahn-Hardt M.S., MFT.  Brenda comes to us with years of experience working exclusively  with donors and couples dealing with infertility issues.  In this, and in posts to come, she will address some of the most common psychological and emotional issues that come up in her work with Intended Parents.


Intended parents usually come to infertility services after spending years on an emotional roller-coaster.  There are several emotional and psychological issues that intended parents typically encounter during this process.  The ones that I encounter most in my practice are 1) Dealing with the grief of not being able to conceive your own biological child 2) The anxiety associated with choosing a donor 3) Deciding whether to meet the donor during the process 4) Fears of not being bonded or connected to your child and 4) Deciding if, when and how to reveal to your child that an egg donor was used in their conception.

Grieving

The journey to the infertility option can be arduous for most couples.  The realization that you are unable to conceive without the assistance of a third party can be internalized in numerous ways – the most common emotions are feelings of failure, inadequacy, humility and anger.  When couples arrive at an infertility office, frequently they have not dealt with the trauma and pain that usually exists.  I always encourage couples to experience their unresolved grief before getting too far down the road in the process.  However, in many instances, because couples have been waiting years to conceive a child, they often feel compelled to jump into the next stage without processing their feelings.  It is common for couples to get caught up in the frenzy of doctor’s offices, tests, shots and drugs while neglecting to take a step back and let oneself absorb and process the grief.

couple4 300x199 An Informal Discussion on Psychological Issues for Intended ParentsElizabeth Kubler-Ross wrote the classic treatise on dealing with grief.  In her seminal work, she identifies the five stages of grief – denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance.  In a perfect world, an individual would experience these stages sequentially.  Yet, each of us approaches life’s complications in our own way.  The process becomes inherently more complicated when dealing with two individuals simultaneously, given the complicated dynamics of relationships in general.  It takes an enormous amount of patience and understanding to respect and understand your partner’s process.  Therefor I encourage couples to attend support groups and couple’s therapy to assist them through the grieving process.

The goal in the last stage of the grief process is acceptance.  Acceptance can take on different outcomes for different couples (or single parents).  The one constant is the reality that one is unable to conceive his/her own biological child.  When one comes to this acceptance, there are different paths from which to choose – using an egg donor and/or surrogate, adopting a child or choosing not to have a child.  Whichever path is chosen, you want to be confident about your decision and optimistic about your future.

- Brenda Fahn-Hardt M.S., MFT


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How to Choose a Doctor

Wednesday, April 29th, 2009

istock 000004111604small 300x1991 How to Choose a DoctorOne of the questions Intended Parents ask often is “Can you recommend a good doctor?”.  Other variations of that question are “Should I stay with my current doctor?”, “Should I move to a doctor closer to where the egg donor lives?”, and sometimes “I’m not sure if I should move doctors or not – what do you think?”.

Here are the answers to those questions, in my opinion…

1) “Can you recommend a good doctor?” Yes, we can provide recommendations to you.

We have been fortunate enough to work with many of the top Reproductive Endocrinologists (”fertility doctors”) in the country, and from those experiences (and client feedback) we have a good sense of who most of the better doctors are.  We base our recommendations on a number of factors, including:

  • General reputation and feedback from past patients
  • Quality and professionalism of the office staff (front office, nursing, etc.)
  • General compliance with current “industry standards”, including information such as number of embryos typically implanted, compliance with common testing, administration of medication, etc.  (Note that since we are not physicians, we cannot comment, and would not deign to comment, on any particular doctor’s medical protocol.  However, when we see a lower success rate and highly unusual protocol used, we get concerned…)
  • General office “vibe” (for example, many clinics with in-house programs are very negative towards working with egg donor agencies.)
  • Specific success rates (sometimes per SART, sometimes per our own information or in-house statistics.)

Note that we do not limit our work to any particular group or clinic, but as we gather first-hand information, we will use it to help our clients make the best choice for them.

2) “Should I stay with my current doctor?” “Should I move to a doctor closer to where the donor lives?”  That all depends…

I believe that the most important criteria in choosing or keeping your physician include:

  • Your comfort level with and trust in your doctor.  If you love your doctor and totally trust him or her, as long as they are supportive of using an egg donor from an agency, definitely keep that doctor.  I think that if you are calm during the process, and are willing to do what your doctor says because you trust in that doctor, you are more likely to have a successful cycle.  This is only said from anecdotal evidence and other’s opinions, but being in a good place psychologically as you’re on buckets of hormones (and going through a somewhat surreal process) can’t help but benefit you.  Does statistical research confirm that?  I don’t know – but it sure seems logical.
  • If finances are an issue (as they generally are) and you choose an egg donor from another city, you might want to consider moving to a doctor in that city.  However, if you love your current doctor, the difference in dollars is probably irrelevant – certainly in the long term.  If you do choose to use or keep a doctor in a city far from where the donor lives, make sure that you’re aware of the outside monitoring costs as early in the process as possible.  (The finance person at the doctor’s office, along with our cycle coordinator, can help you with that.)  The less surprises that happen in this process, the better.

All of BHED’s clients are assigned a Cycle Coordinator – a senior member of our staff who follows your case through from the time you choose your doctor until retrieval (and often, beyond.)  The Cycle Coordinator will be in regular contact with your doctor’s office from the time you sign your contract with us, and she will alert you if we have any unexpected challenges with the doctor’s office.  Most of the time things work out just fine.

Note that we stay with you until you become pregnant or you decide to discontinue trying.  Your choice of doctor is certainly an important part of this process, and is one of the keys to the success of your pursuit to begin or build your family.

We look forward to helping you realize your dream through egg donation!

-Lisa Greer, BHED Managing Partner

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How to Choose a Doctor

Tuesday, January 27th, 2009

istock 000004111604small 300x199 How to Choose a Doctor

One of the questions Intended Parents ask often is “Can you recommend a good doctor?”.  Other variations of that question are “Should I stay with my current doctor?”, “Should I move to a doctor closer to where the egg donor lives?”, and sometimes “I’m not sure if I should move doctors or not – what do you think?”.

Here are the answers to those questions, in my opinion…

1) “Can you recommend a good doctor?” Yes, we can provide recommendations to you.

We have been fortunate enough to work with many of the top Reproductive Endocrinologists (”fertility doctors”) in the country, and from those experiences (and client feedback) we have a good sense of who most of the better doctors are.  We base our recommendations on a number of factors, including:

  • General reputation and feedback from past patients
  • Quality and professionalism of the office staff (front office, nursing, etc.)
  • General compliance with current “industry standards”, including information such as number of embryos typically implanted, compliance with common testing, administration of medication, etc.  (Note that since we are not physicians, we cannot comment, and would not deign to comment, on any particular doctor’s medical protocol.  However, when we see a lower success rate and highly unusual protocol used, we get concerned…)
  • General office “vibe” (for example, many clinics with in-house programs are very negative towards working with egg donor agencies.)
  • Specific success rates (sometimes per SART, sometimes per our own information or in-house statistics.)

Note that we do not limit our work to any particular group or clinic, but as we gather first-hand information, we will use it to help our clients make the best choice for them.

2) “Should I stay with my current doctor?” “Should I move to a doctor closer to where the donor lives?”  That all depends…

I believe that the most important criteria in choosing or keeping your physician include:

  • Your comfort level with and trust in your doctor.  If you love your doctor and totally trust him or her, as long as they are supportive of using an egg donor from an agency, definitely keep that doctor.  I think that if you are calm during the process, and are willing to do what your doctor says because you trust in that doctor, you are more likely to have a successful cycle.  This is only said from anecdotal evidence and other’s opinions, but being in a good place psychologically as you’re on buckets of hormones (and going through a somewhat surreal process) can’t help but benefit you.  Does statistical research confirm that?  I don’t know – but it sure seems logical.
  • If finances are an issue (as they generally are) and you choose an egg donor from another city, you might want to consider moving to a doctor in that city.  However, if you love your current doctor, the difference in dollars is probably irrelevant – certainly in the long term.  If you do choose to use or keep a doctor in a city far from where the donor lives, make sure that you’re aware of the outside monitoring costs as early in the process as possible.  (The finance person at the doctor’s office, along with our cycle coordinator, can help you with that.)  The less surprises that happen in this process, the better.

All of BHED’s clients are assigned a Cycle Coordinator – a senior member of our staff who follows your case through from the time you choose your doctor until retrieval (and often, beyond.)  The Cycle Coordinator will be in regular contact with your doctor’s office from the time you sign your contract with us, and she will alert you if we have any unexpected challenges with the doctor’s office.  Most of the time things work out just fine.

Note that we stay with you until you become pregnant or you decide to discontinue trying.  Your choice of doctor is certainly an important part of this process, and is one of the keys to the success of your pursuit to begin or build your family.

We look forward to helping you realize your dream through egg donation!

-Lisa Greer, BHED Managing Partner

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